Monday, April 30, 2007

Bar review ; The Green Vespa

After several return visits over the last few weeks, I have decided this is one of my favourite bars in Phnom Penh. There are a few reasons why this is so but there is one main reason. When I started reading website postings about what makes a good bar in Phnom Penh, many people said it was the man behind the bar ( does anyone know a female bar owner in Phnom Penh ? ) and in the GV’s case, this is particularly true. Alan is a consummate professional and I said to my new flat mate the other night “I reckon he probably knew he wanted to be a barman at the age of four”. When Alan isn’t wiping the bar down to ensure it isn’t swimming in the overflow of revelry (one of my pet hates), he is checking your beer to ensure there is not one second delay between old and new, asking if you are ready to hit his great menu, engaging you in frank discussion and generally being the perfect, congenial host. I also get the feeling you would not want to tangle with him as he is quite a solid chap and Irish to boot which gives him that mad factor and this can be a useful trait in Phnom Penh where madder is better and the meek get mauled. He has put together a truly amazing collection of whiskies and the Single Malts on his top shelf are legendary. The Taliska cannot be beat but there are many others. My father and best mate Duncan would love this bar and indeed I will take them there when they visit Phnom Penh for my wedding. Alan also has a very dangerous freezer full of frozen flavored vodkas and I can highly recommend a couple of snorts of the Apple Vodka if you are feeling slightly jaded from…er….working too hard.

The bar itself has a warm and very green ambience and there is a great collection of vintage Vespa posters on the walls. I have always been aware of Vespas as a cult transit machine but I never knew they ran (maybe still run!?) a famous advertising campaign featuring the hottest Hollywood stars of the 50s, 60s and 70s. I could never tire of looking up and seeing Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn and Ursula Andress staring longingly at me from the back of a scooter whilst I chow down on Alan’s bangers and mash. There is a great collection of UK-dominated CDs (The Jam, The Who, Joe Cocker, Rolling Stones, Beatles etc etc) which you can choose from if you have a favourite and whilst there is no pool table, the main sport to be had at the Green Vespa is conversation and drinking. A good old craic I think they call it in Ireland and if you close your eyes and dream hard enough, you could almost be in Ireland. The crowd is mixed and Alan welcomes everybody no matter where they are from. Old, young, local, tourist…just bring your manners and a wedge of cash (it’s not expensive, it is just that Alan is a bloody good salesman!) and you will be guaranteed of a good night. Last time I went there it was a family affair as my colleague’s wives and children were all in attendance and it was the start of a fun and long night that saw me leaving with several new found friends from all over the world.

So do yourself a favor, hop on down to the Green Vespa and prop yourself up at the bar for a single malt or a few cold ones. Announce your arrival by loudly ringing the large cow bell at the end of the bar and you will have friends for life……well…. maybe just one night!. Eat his fine fare (the bangers…..oh….the bangers!!), talk to the complete stranger next to you and enjoy being in a traditional bar where the customer comes first and the drinking comes first too.






A great place indeed.






Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Anzac Day 2007

This morning at 4.45a.m I arrived with my work colleague Paul and about 100 other aussies at the residence of the Australian Ambassador to Phnom Penh. The house is a huge beautiful villa with pool and lush gardens but after enquiring I was told I could not take photos of the compound "for security reasons". Yes...I can imagine the Ambassador's residence is high on the list of terrorist targets. Anyhooooow....we were handed little candles and stood patiently waiting in the garden until 5a.m when a very smart Army Officer got proceedings under way.

Some hyms were sung and some poems read and then the famous Last Post was played as heads were bowed and hearts were clutched. As usual, it brought a shiver to my spine and a tear to my eye as I thought of the horrors all those years ago. After the ceremony we were all invited for a slap-up breakfast at The Sunway Hotel. Scrambled eggs,bacon,oranje juice and coffee as well as vegemite on toast were all washed down with gusto and it was soon time for the best part of the day . 2 up !!. The game was run by the same smart army chap who ran the service and with young and old playing, a fun hour was had by all. I walked away $10 richer and with a fully belly and spending Anzac Day in Cambodia was indeed a special day and something I would not have missed for all the tea in China......

We will remember them.

Lest we forget.



Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Eggs Glorious Eggs !

If you are an egg loving freak like I am...you would love Phnom Penh. They come in all shapes, sizes and species and are cheap as chips. On the weekend my girlfriend introduced me to the delights of the roving egg cart. I have seen and heard this dude go past my house a hundred times with his distinctive call-out but have never known what he was all about. As we headed out for a late afternoon pig-out after hiding in the air conditioned bat cave all day to avoid the aforementioned sweltering heat, we ran into Egg Man and at the prompting of Leakhena, I shelled out 50c for 4 eggs. They look like hard boiled eggs except at one end they have a distinct little opening and upon peeling them you find that this opening has been used to "load" the egg with seasoning. Pepper,sugar,salt,mild chili and whatever else turns the egg a funny khaki colour and I can tell you they are so delicious I was soon running around the streets trying to find Egg man again. Today during my Khmer lesson I heard the tell tale sing song again and I wasted no time in bounding down my stairs leaving my teacher mid-consonant. Screw consonants, there were eggs on offer. As we tucked into a few each with a glass of chilled water, I was taught how to order them and looked forward to the next time my new found vendor of choice came down the street. You can put these eggs on baguettes cold for a nice sandwich or in hot 2 minute noodles or in a salad or hell..... just scoff 'em whole. What a treat!Then there are the half mature duck eggs. These are not for the faint hearted and are at the hardcore end of the egg scale. Supposedly good for strength, you are effectively eating a half developed fetus. With a bit of chilly and some herbs and salt and pepper they are pretty good but I strongly recommend having a beer on hand to wash down the body parts. A few of these is about all I can handle in one sitting!Even more eggs are available for the strong willed! There are the eggs I have not even made my way to yet! Large ostrich sized ones and turtle eggs and god knows what else that available at Kien Svey and other Khmer food markets. I think I saw a Donkey egg at one market? Massive this thing was. All in all.....Phnom Penh is egg heaven and you are never far from an eggaliscious feed. It goes without saying the omelet’s are great ( a bit more cheese wouldn’t got astray ) and if I could get them to make me an old school egg nog I surely would be in egg heaven !

New Year Photos

Doorway to Heaven
Peace Out little man

Blessed


Meeting the monks



Praek Ambal beach



Praek Ambal Resort...in the making !



Kampot fishing fleet



Kids Disco



Khmer Boogey



Bong Tra,Justin, Leakhena

Dawn Patrol

After retiring to the airconditioned comfort of my bedroom last night at the reasonable hour of 7.30pm and being bored to sleep by the first few chapters of my new book ( what posessed me to buy a book written by an ageing NGO I will never know....), I awoke at 5.00a.m fresh and ready for another day in The Penh. With a bowl of cornflakes and an instant coffee on board, I decided to go and watch the sunrise over the Tonle Sap and after a brief walk to where I park my bike I was soon cruising to the waterfront. I haven't been up at this hour before and the site that greeted me was nothing short of ...well...amusing,inspiring and plain amazing.

As the sun rose bright ride over Phnom Pneh, it became apparent that this is the hour for khmer exercise and all manner of people were out in droves doing all manner of exercise. People rushed around the perimeter of the parks waving their arms in manic movements whilst "council" workers trimmed lawn edges with meat cleavers. Games of badminton and 2 a side soccer were going on everywhere and all along the riverfront there were aerobic classes Khmer style = groups of up to 50 people all jumping around like someone had put LSD in their breakfast prahok whilst techno music belted out from a sound system. Groups of menacing looking kick boxers shuffled past in their slow rythmic jog and vendors lit their BBQs for the morning cook-up.

For a moment I was tempted to join one of the exercise groups but then decided it was all too much so headed for the office and another instant coffee,2 dairy whites,1 sugar. Maybe next time......

Monday, April 23, 2007

The Heat,my god ....THE HEAT !

Holy shit it is hot in Phnom Penh now. The last few days as been intolerable and the hot season has started in earnest . With the heat comes a few things. A huge laundry turnover as you constantly change sweat sodden t-shirts for fresh ones and dehydration aplenty. I am drinking about 5 litres of cold water daily. I shit you not. If you eat on the street at dinnertime, you inevitably almost drown in your own sweat and wearing shoes and socks makes your feet burn like a Tony Robbins fire walk. I bought some candles the other day and put them out in their holders on the rooftop at about 3 in the afternoon. Big mistake. 15 minutes later they had all melted into pool of red and yellow wax. OOPS ! The worse thing about the heat is that the only relief you can get from it is retiring to your a/c "safe room". If you have a shower, forget using it as a cool down option. The pipes are in the roof and run down the external walls and the water is warm when it comes out. Ditto any of the overpriced pools in Phnom Penh. Warm as baby's piss. Yesterday I spent the entire day in my bedroom because outside it was absolutely foul all day. Night time brings little relief either. Bring on the rainy season I say !!!

Hanging Out with The(soon to be )Mother-In-Law



On Thursday night Leakhena was due to come over and shortly before doing so I received a phone call from her asking if her mother could come as well as MIL was bored and wanted to get out of the house. I say yes to all requests of a family nature ( visiting the pagoda, staying for dinner, taking the nieces for moto rides etc etc ) but on this particular occasion i had to say no. Its not because I do not like my MIL. I really like her and I think she is fond of me ? BUT being a Thursday night and with work the next day, I did not want to find myself up all night talking when i was already knackered. So I asked Leakhena if we could do it tomorrow ( Friday ) night and whilst I felt guilty and she was a little bit disappointed, I promised her we would have a good night.

So Friday rolled around and after a couple of beers with the lads from the office, I went over to Leakhena's house and picked up Leakhena, the MIL and, as per usual, little Srey Nek ( my niece ) who never misses out on an opportunity to hang out with Uncle J. MIL was dressed to the nines in a lovely silk number and as the 4 of us climbed onto the Baja, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself at the difference in my social life . I have gone from a socially bereft life living in a small coastal town in Australia to one full of random,family and people filled experiences such as this one and it is great.

On the way home we went for a quick meal of Bo Bo ( rice soup - my absolute favourite ) and afterwards I picked up a box of beer, a pack of cards, some chips and a tub of ice cream and we headed for my rooftop. The next few hours was spent laughing and joking as we played all manner of card games ( SNAP is a favourite now ) and eating Strawberry Bong Karem (ice cream) and listening to music and generally enjoying some time together. At the end of the night, I offered to have MIL and Srey Nek to stay the night and they gladly took me up on the offer and were soon sound asleep in the guest bedroom.

The next day I awoke late to find my apartment had been cleaned from top to bottom by a band of little Khmer fairies and after a wuick shower,we all went for breakfast noodles and banana shakes at Psar Kap Ko. All in all a great night and I was as happy to spend time with the MIL as I am sure she was to spend time with me. It was relaxing and low key and a great way to start the weekend and I am sure we will do it again.......

Pimping your Phone in Phnom Penh

Hot on the heels of "Pimping your pad in Phnom Penh", here is the second instalment aimed at informing you of how to pimp your new phone. Inexpensive at $1, yet invaluable in the protection it provides your handset, I can highly recommend taking advantage if this neat little service that many stallholders around the markets offer and it happened like this.....

I bought my girlfriend a new phone last week as she had been using her sister's for months and it was finally repossessed. Phones are an important way of life here in Cambodia as there are no home landlines or public payphones available. Although they are a status symbol ( with some Khmer bigwigs forking out $2000 or more for phone numbers with numerological lucky numbers ) I decided a basic Nokia was more than adequate and Leakhena was thrilled to have her very own unit. A phonecall to her around midday on Saturday found her at Psar Kandal "securing" her phone and I was intrigued about this service so decided to join her, even though at this time of day the heat was stifling and the sweat was flowing freely.

On arrival at the marketplace I found her sitting down at a little streetside booth waiting patiently whilst a young chap "secured" her phone. As it turns out the "securing" process was actually the art of having the phone kind of shrunk wrap with contact adhesive plastic. A choice of colours was available and after Leakhena had hers done in black, I decided on clear adhesive for mine. I bought a cold bottle of water and then sat and watched as this young chap performed the procedure with all the finesse of a brain surgeon. In front of him were an array of tools ranging from razor blades, to bottles of liquid to sponges and rags and cigarette lighters. For the next 15 minutes he measured and sliced and applied the plastic coating. As he did this he used the lighter to soften the plastic which was then stretched taut over the phone.

The thing that really impressed me about this lad and his service was the attention to detail and the obvious pride he took in his work. Honestly to watch him you would have thought he was interior detailing a Bentley and the outcome was impressive. A shrunk wrap, protected phone that would now withstand the daily rigor of life in Phnom Penh. I tapped him on the shoulder and congratulated him on a solid job and for $1 it was a good spend.

Friday, April 20, 2007

In Today's Phnom Penh Post

At least 54 people died in road accidents over the 4 day Khmer Kew Year holiday. An additional 259 were severely injured and a further 237 were “superficially” injured. All in all…..270 reported accidents. I wonder if this includes the poor middle aged female Barang who I administered first aid to in Kep. She had hit another scooter rider at pace and ended up with 6 stitches in her top lip and a severely sprained wrist. She was crying when I found her and I gave her some painkillers and a hug and sent her off to Phnom Penh for further treatment….

3 policemen in Siem Reap are being “hunted” for allegedly raping a mentally impaired girl.

Filipino Good Friday Flagellants Face Risk of Rabies. This is the actual story heading! One man has died of rabies after ripping his skin open with a blade before commencing a gory self-flagellation ceremony all in the name of Jesus Christ. Problem is…….a lot of other guys shared the same blade! Oops!

The FBI
has formally announced the opening of its first permanent office in Phnom Penh.

Kampot/Kep Update

Kampot
Lovely as ever, Kampot really is my favourite place in Cambodia. The landscape down there is lush and green and tropical and it is nice to escape the flatlands of Phnom Penh and its surrounds for the more geographically stimulating environs of this lovely riverside town. The last 10 months has seen a massive increase in bars and restaurants along the riverfront and whereas once the choice was limited to a few spots, there are now many to choose from. Blissful Guesthouse is still blissful as ever and the rooms are still $7-$10. The bar is the most dangerous place in town and the Bombay Sapphire gets a work out most nights. Angela is a great host and special thanks to her for helping me out in my time of financial need. Still no ATM in town so take all the cash you need with you. Rusty Keyhole is now officially one of my favourite bars in all of Cambodia. Chris and his wife have created a great spot right on the river and it is still the most popular bar in town and with good reason. The bbq pork ribs that they do ($5) are absolutely unbelievable. So good I had it two nights in a row. As the sun sets and the beer flows, everyone is guaranteed a good time. Chris….I hope your injuries heal soon mate. Little Garden Bar struggles a bit. The rooms look nice enough at $10 but the poor staff of 2 could not keep up with the breakfast orders. Not their fault really and a fan under the hot tin roof would have been a welcome addition. Bodhi Villa is in a top spot across the new bridge and towards Tek Chhou Falls. Perched over the river and popular with the dippy hippy “yeah man, like wow…cool” crowd, the bong is communal and the conversations are like….groovy man. The rooms are $5 or so and their tuk tuk is free for your use. Seeing a white female backpacker at its wheel in downtown Kampot with another in the back made me do a double-take “holy shit…. did I just see that????” Rikitikitavi next to Rusty Keyhole looks like an amazing place to stay but cannot comment on prices or anything as I did not go in but would definitely have a look next time. Other places of note include Preak Ambal Resort which is 17kms outside town on the road to Sihanoukville. Look for the Archway with scaffolding and then follow the road down to the coast. A Malaysian lady has bought the entire beach and is creating something very special indeed. Say hello to Eza, the pommy caretaker and enjoy some crab in the little restaurant. Sandy beach, palm trees, quiet, serene. Well worth a trip out there. Another awesome spot can be found 3.5kms along the riverbank from Little Garden Bar. Head towards the hills on the same side of the river and ask for “the spot where the boat takes you out to the Pagoda”. Follow a mad little single track through lush gardens and under people’s houses and arrive at an amazing little clearing with a riverside restaurant and a boat that will take you on a ride to a pagoda for $1. I can provide GPS co-ordinates for those equipped and interested. I could live there easily. Pristine, lush and hidden.


Kep

What a difference 10 months has made. Apart from the fact that it was KNY and the place was going off with Khmer and Tourists alike, Kep is starting to move along. More bungalow operations have popped up and the prices are heading skywards as well. Vanna Bungalows is still a great spot at $10 for your own teak bungalow with panoramic views of the gulf of Vietnam and large, cavernous and clean bathrooms. No electricity from 6am-6pm and no AC available. Great Restaurant and helpful staff. Can highly recommend bungalow #10. Verandah Resort is a fucking rip off. Last year they had just put the basic rooms up from $15 to $20 and now they are $45 The beers are $2, cocktails are $4, the food is expensive ($7 for fish amok – give me a break!) and the crowd is…well…the crowd is what it is. See it for yourself…or don’t. Up to you! Happy Happy bar and restaurant down near the market is good for karaoke and khmer style dancing if that is your thing. 5 of us drank like Trojans and ate like kings and the bill came to $20. Led Zep Café is a strange little place next to the local pool. Run by an ageing and grumpy German (?) hippy, it is nothing more than a few chairs and tables and some …yes…Led Zeppelin album covers stuck to the sides if a bamboo hut. The owner has done a very god job of mapping local trails and if for no other reason it is worth a visit to get some idea of what you can do and see in Kep. Just don’t park in front of his café ok? Villa de Monsieur Henri is finally open. A renovated stone mansion with 12 bungalows, it is in a prime location and is aimed squarely at the upper class. Shame the CESM© can’t keep the throngs from sitting all over the front wall or piling their rubbish up on his doorstep! Other things to do; Take your dirt bike and enjoy single track motocross heaven in the flatlands running parallel to the coast and under the escarpment. I did 4 hours of insane biking and came home exhausted but with a smile a mile wide. Give the locals a thrill by popping wheelies through their herds of cows and then rooster tailing some of Kep’s finest red dirt. There is a business there for someone I am sure!! Visit the Pagoda at the top of the hill for some insane views and a marriage proposal to your girlfriend followed by a chat with the resident monk and play with the local kids at the beach as they float around in the ocean on their inner tubes. I am the submarine and they are the battleships. ***BOOM***….you lose! The seafood is still as fresh as ever and there are now some nice little bamboo-hut restaurants perched over the water along the waterfront where the market is. Other travelers report Koh Tonsay ( Rabbit Island ) is still as sleepy as ever despite the threat of development and the cost of the boat is down from $15 to $12.
All in all, my second visit to these two gems reinforced what I thought the first time. They are a must-see on any visitor’s agenda and should not be missed

Khmer New Year Holiday Photos

Bikini Girl (for the first time ever!). Kep Sur Mer.
Ushering in the New year.12.40pm.Kampot.
Leakhena
Meeting the monks
Justin and Andy, Kampot
Bodhi Villa = "Feral Backpacker Heaven", Kampot

Kampot Coastline
Preak Ambal Resort (in the making), Kampot Province
Tra,Justin,Leakhena. Phnom Penh.














Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Tossing the rock


For ages now the desire to ask my Khmer girlfriend to be my life partner has been building up inside me like a savage case of tropical fever . It pretty much started the first day I met her almost a year ago (during my first few hours in Cambodia would you believe?) and everyday I have spent with her since has been an exercise in composure and commonsense as I have waited and assessed the “right” moment to commit my life to her. Every moment we spend together is pure joy, brings a new revelation and makes me feel like the luckiest guy on earth and I have the double bonus of having been warmly accepted into her large extended family. Only a Barang that has married into a Khmer (or perhaps any other Eastern family unit) can understand how this feels and what it means. For better (usually) and worse (sometimes) you are now part of a small community and it is family first and you second. A strange concept to westerners indeed but one that I have not had to struggle to accept. I count her sister’s Khmer boyfriend as maybe my closest friend in Cambodia and the warmth that her sisters, younger brothers and in particular nieces shows me is overwhelming sometimes. I am not sure whether it is my generally fun nature they are drawn to (ice-cream and party games on the roof is a big winner as are“dai-laing”on the Moto and my attempts at Khmer dancing!) or the “exoticness” of me being a BIG BOOFY BARANG© but I am made to feel special all the time and I am always greeted with a smile. I have taught the sisters and mother to be comfortable with me kissing them on the cheek western style (always after a traditional Khmer greeting) and when I started calling Leakhena’s mother “mum” she was thrilled to bits. Mum actually even kisses me on the lips! Even the family dog Billy who originally growled at me and looked like he wanted to tear shreds off me has now come around and sits next to me in the apartment. So when Leakhena told me that the Khmer New Year that was being ushered in was actually her signature year (she is a pig – a damned fine one at that!) and not only that but an ultra-special Golden Pig Year, I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to make this a memorable year for both of us and as we blasted down to Kampot Province on our trusty 250cc Baja dirtbike for the New Year Holiday, my mind was racing with the minutiae of when, where, how, what to say and all the usual things a man who is about to make the single biggest decision of his life might be thinking. For too many days and weeks I had been forecasting about where my life will go now I am in Cambodia and what might happen if it all goes to crap but I kept coming back to one single recurring fact. I love this woman and no matter where I am or what I am doing, I want her with me and she has let me know in crystal clear moments she feels the same. The trip was already a very special one as it was Kampot we had traveled to for our first road trip together some 10 months earlier and we planned on staying in the same rooms at the same guest houses in both Kampot and Kep. After spending a couple of days and New Years Eve (12.40pm!!) in Kampot with family we cruised the 30 miles down to Kep and after checking into our bungalow we decided to go dai-laing (cruising)on the Moto. The Kep beachfront was absolutely heaving with revelers and as the sun lowered in an orange fiery ball my mind and heart were now racing with the task at hand. I soon spied a lovely country lane heading away from the Kep coast and up into the lush hills and on a whim I u-turned and pointed the Baja to a place that would soon become special. At the end of the road we were in luck as there was an amazingly ornate Pagoda sitting above us and with an old man pointing the way we headed further up into the jungle until we reached a huge flight of steps. Reaching the top of this beautiful deserted Pagoda we were rewarded by a panoramic and serene view of the Kep coastline below us. By now I was so nervous I cannot contain myself and after some “eeeiiuwww…… isn’t the view nice(s)” I removed the Russian Wedding ring that I have given Leakhena months earlier from her finger and drew her to me. As she looked on perplexed, shocked and nervous (she later told me she thought I was going to throw the ring off the edge!) I dropped to one knee and with some words that only we will ever know, I asked ( nay…begged ! ) her to be my wife and as her jaw hit the ground she managed to nod and say “yes of course sweetheart!”. Later after sitting together for some time we descended the stairs and were met by the Monk who presides over the Pagoda and as I sat on a bench next to him talking in Khmer, Leakhena spoke with his female helpers. I told him I have asked Leakhena to marry me at his pagoda and he warmly embraced me and as we both sat and gazed into the pristine and silent jungle I felt so happy I could explode. On our way down the hill and back to the coast Leakhena is holding me tighter than ever and the ride back to our bungalow is done in a dreamy state. We shower and change and head down to the Kep waterfront for crab and a bottle of French red wine.The rest of the week is bliss as we enjoy each others company - and that of 400,000 other khmer people on holiday and as we ride back to Phnom Penh I marvel at how life can change as the result of one chance trip, one chance meeting and one simple question. So....Justin Garnett is marrying Leakhena Yim. The venue will be in Cambodia - most likely provincial Kampot which is just lovely, and the timing will be end of this year or early next year in the wedding season. Stay tuned for further details and love to you all.......

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Another busy weekend

I am sitting here in my cavernous apartment listening to the Hilltop Hoods “Down the Hard Road at volume 11 (the new stereo with subwoofer rocks the house!) And all the Khmer in the apartments across the road are out on their balconies looking at me like I am a freak. “I’m going down the hard road….don’t know where I been …..I spent my youth like life was cheap….” I have had enough godamned election campaigning over the last few weeks to last me a lifetime. Here that means vans with loud speakers cruising down the street wailing shit music and subliminal messages. It is time I gave something back and I figure some quality Aussie hip hop is just the ticket.Anyways it’s been an interesting 48 hours here over the weekend so sit back and enjoy some tales from The Penh

Had a hilarious experience on Friday night to start with. We went out for Tra’s (my Khmer brother-in-law) birthday with the entire family and it went something like this. To start with I will tell you about Tra. He is 27 and works in a hospital (not sure as what!) and he has been very good to me from my very first trip here to Cambodia. He has been instrumental in helping me with settling in and understanding the family dynamics and Khmer life in general. He always asks me “ Are you alright Justin“ which believe it or not is worth its weight in gold here because sometimes the day can get on top of you or you can be at a place where you just are scratching your head about khmer ways and e will step in and explain things to me. Tra is my best mate here by far and he is loved by the family. He is in a relationship with Phalla, one of Leakhena’s older sisters, and has been for a couple of years. They live together in a great little one bedroom apartment over near Tol Sleung and Phalla has created a lovely space on their high ceilinged colonial style front balcony with fragrant jasmine and frangipani and bougainvillea. The difficult thing is that Tra’s family is from a rich(ish) family and as Leakhena’s family isn’t, there is a fair bit of resistance from Tra’s family about marrying AND Phalla was married for a few years when she was 17 and so by khmer standards is “damaged goods “. That’s a terrible thing to say but the old skool khmer parents put a lot of onus on purity and chastity and they would rather their son marry a 17 year old virgin and be unhappy than marry someone they love. So Tra has is work cut out! So I wanted to buy him a nice present and straight after work I made the fatal mistake of goings shopping with Leakhena. I wanted to go to a particular mall and we got mixed up and ended up across town in a crappy one. Friday night is out of control in Phnom Penh as everyone is out and it doesn’t help when the King is in town and they shut off blocks and blocks around his palace so he can fart in peace without the peasants hearing or smelling it. So we relocate to the right mall and in we go and I just want to get Tra a present like a shirt. The shirts we look at are all shit and expensive as hell by Khmer standards because as soon as they put a shop in a mall they think they can charge a premium. I have just come from Thailand where I can buy fake but good Polo dress shirts for $8 so there is no freaking way I am paying $4o for a crap version in Cambodia! We strike out at this mall and Leakhena says she knows another shop so off we go. By this time we have been faffing around for 2 hours in the steaming evening that The Penh has thrown at us and my temper is running at an all time high. The traffic is off its face everywhere and if one more Khmer parking attendant writes on my mud guard with red crayon I am going to punch him out. So we end up at quite a nice shop where I manage to finally buy Tra a nice shirt. The girl then wants to take it out of the nice box it is on and put it in some god awful glossy plastic shopping bag with crappy stuff written all over it and I ask her to put it back in the box as I try to explain the concept of PRESENTATION to her. She thinks it is much better in the Disney Show bag and I tell her in no uncertain terms that if she doesn’t put it in the box I am walking out and not buying the shirt. She capitulates of course but I am sure she thought I was one crazy Barang. Fancy wanting your nice shirt in a lovely box and not a bag that looked like it came out of a toy shop!!

Then we get outside the shop and my bike won’t kick over. I am swearing like a bastard by now as the sweat drips over me and there is this little smart arse Khmer bunch of his mates sniggering and laughing at me as I almost have a heart attack. So in the end I wave some Riel notes at him and wave him over and tell him I need a push start. He jumps at the chance to earn 50c and I jump at the chance to extract some revenge on the whole city. I flip the kill switch on the bike to OFF ( meaning it will not start ) and I get him to push me ( he is running at full speed pushing 300kg odd ) at least two blocks as I occasionally try to start it “ oh dear it didn’t work – push some more ! “. In the end I flipped the kill switch back to ON and away I go. Poor little smart arse is a sweating wreck by now and as I give him his 50c I smile a little smile. Petty I know but it was either that or kill someone.

I tell Leakhena I have to go home to shower and regroup (after 3 hours trying to buy one shirt) and we eventually head out to a great Khmer restaurant with the whole family in tow. We eat like kings and then I find at the end of the meal that Tra has paid for the lot! Then we go back to Tra and Phalla’s apartment and the trip over there is a hoot. I have
Leakhena on my bike, Neung (sister) is on a scooter with 2 cousins, Lin (sister) is on a scooter with her daughter and a brother and Tra has the rest of the family in his Toyota Camry - including Pi Pi the little white dog hanging out of the window. We all convoy together at about 40kph across the by now quiet streets of PP and we are talking as we ride and laughing and at one stage we stop at a red light and Lin’s daughter (8 years old) jumps on the bike with Leakhena and I , sits in front of me with her hands on the handlebars and screams with joy as I take it up to 80kph to give her a thrill.

On arrival at Tra and Phalla’s out comes the beer, the ice, the Johnny Walker (which I firmly decline - I try all sorts of things at their insistence – frogs, half developed sparrow eggs with beaks and feathers, spiders, ants etc but they have learnt when I say NO I really mean it!) and friends start showing up and instant party starts with me the only Barang in sight as usual but I love it. Once again – all paid for by Tra. The Khmer people are so friendly and accommodating that I would rather party with them any day. At the moment I am mostly going out with all Khmer people. Leakhena has some great girlfriends and they have boyfriends and friends who all get together regularly and I am always get included and welcomed like one of the gang and it is also very good for my Khmer. They all know I am studying their language and are very helpful and patient and I have a couple of good Khmer mates now who are always offering to do things for me and asking me out etc. So after we party for a while – which basically involves sitting on the floor on lovely straw mats with pillows and drinking cold beer or iced tea and talking and telling stories and laughing a lot ( mostly at me ), Tra announces phase 3 of the night ,
Karaoke !. By this time it is 11pm and I just want to go home to bed but don’t want to be rude so off we go again in multi-scooter convoy (about 8 scooters this time). I have visions of us arriving at some dodgy restaurant with a bunch of drunken Khmer wailing crappie songs and instead arrive at a cinema style complex called X2. One of the chaps we are with is a VIP member which means that we jump the queue and my bike is parked in the VIP section with about 10 uniformed guards pushing people out of the way so I can ride into it. I feel like David Beckham as everyone gawks at the Barang with the Khmer entourage and the Khmer tattoo (gets them every time!!) and we are ushered into this complex like royalty. Inside there are gorgeous Khmer girls EVERYWHERE all dolled up the nines in Silk gowns and the inside of the club is seriously lush. Then we are walked up to the second level and I realsie that the complex is actually a massive set of private rooms that you rent out for an hour or what have you. In your own room is a flat screen the size of a tennis court, a leather couch that wraps all the way around the room, an ensuite bathroom and twin Aircon units chilling the room nicely. The ceiling is a fake night sky all lit up with stars and the floor is black and white checks like the old kitchen at Hipwood street,. We have about 6 of the lovely dolled up Khmer girls serving us all and out comes the beer again and they are into it. Our VIP member is an absolute crooner from way back and as the cheesy Khmer rock videos roll on, I am left shaking my head at the scene again and again. Eventually I can take the terrible music no longer and I announce I am leaving to go get some sleep.

Saturday arrives and I awake refreshed after 9 hours in the cot. After a few chores (look for a fridge, drop my laundry in etc), I decide I need to get out of The Penh and so I pack a day bag with some water and my camera and some loo paper ( I travel everywhere with it because stomach bugs here are an every week occurrence and you never know where you are going to be when the….er……”shit goes down”) and head off across the Japanese bridge to explore the peninsular opposite Phnom Penh. The great thing about working for my company is that I can pull up aerial maps of PP and surrounds whenever I want and have a look in detail at where might be a good place to ride to. So I get out to this peninsular and it is great. Very peaceful and rural but yet right across the river from the hustle of the city. I criss cross the streets and head off down dirt roads and find a lovely Wat (Pagoda) where trainee monks are walking around under lovely shady trees. I meet some boat builders who are crafting these boats that must have been 50ft long. A bit like a Chinese dragon boat. I take photos and play with some kids and hand out some riel and then I head along the Mekong and marvel at some of the villas that the rich Khmer are building on the riverfront. AMAZING compounds with some beautiful houses and villas and gardens. If I stayed here long term I could easily move out there. After a couple of hours of cruising around I stumble across an amazing bakery and have a massive muffin and a lychee slushy all for 75c. Joy!!

Back to Phnom Penh for an arvo sleep and then out for a few cold ones with my boss and then a lovely Indian curry nosh up with the guys from Adventure Motorcycles, Jeff and Brady and our respective wives and GFs (all Khmer!). Some of the girls have never had Indian before and the looks on their faces as they eat vindaloo mutton is classic. I then head over to Elsewhere Bar with Leakhena and her best friend. This is a lovely old French Villa with a swimming pool and a lush garden with daybeds set under frangipani trees draped with fairy lights. Smooth tunes are playing and we are known to the staff so we always get looked after. Then we move on to Riverhouse as the girls want to dance and when we get there I am pleasantly surprised as it is a big old two story villa on the riverfront and the tunes are all disco extravaganza and it is going off. I am too tired to do anything remotely funky on the dance floor so I order iced tea and sit under the irrigation lines on the balcony that shoot out a fine water mist all over you and just watch as the girls have fun. Eventually Steve and Cheewan arrive, two of my Khmer buddies, and we chat away. The security guards are all massive Khmer Kato-style hit men and as a result all the punters are behaving themselves.

Today being Sunday we sleep in a bit and then we go and buy a fridge for the apartment which they then deliver on a scooter. See photo. I did not think this would be possible but I am learning everything is possible here. I watch in awe as they follow us across PP with the mid sized fridge wedged between them on a 125 scooter. Amazing. I paid $75 for a second hander and delivery was free. They carried it up two levels and installed with a smile! I pick up my watch and then we go and have a lovely lunch of dried fish, pork and vegetables and I have a Khmer Palm beer which is made from palm juice. Quite refreshing and the whole lot cost $4.

Leakhena had mentioned to me the night before whilst we were eating Indian that she really loved the way Indian women pierced their noses and wanted to do it as well. I asked her how much and where and of course she had already done all her homework so after lunch I asked her if she wanted to get it done and she jumped at the chance. Off we go to Psar Kandal (the marketplace) where Leakhena and Pov seem to spend a lot of time and now I know why – it is beauty shop heaven with 50 million little stalls doing everything from facials to massage to pedicures and all for a handful of riel. We find the piercing stall, select a little stud and within minutes (and $1 later) Leakhena has a lovely pierced nose! Initially when she asked what I thought about getting it done I mentioned there were not a lot of girls in PP with the nose pierced and was she worried how she might be perceived but then I thought BUGGER THAT, she is 24 years old and wants to have a bit of fun and I have just got myself tattooed in Bangkok so who am I to cast aspersions. She is happy as Larry though I have no idea what her mother will say nor do I want to be anywhere in sight when she sees it! As it turns out a lot of Khmer girls are fascinated with India. They love the music and the Saris etc

We finish off the weekend by meeting Pov for some pre-dinner duck eggs at a small stall near my apartment. These eggs are a delicacy and the Khmer believe they give you strength. You sit on a little plastic stool and the egg man presents you with a duck egg that has had the top knocked off it. Garnish it with chili and pepper and some fresh basil leaves and away you go. I should mention at this stage that a duck hatched in 40 weeks and you are eating these eggs at 24 weeks which means they are somewhat….er….developed. You do not want to look too closely at the contents but I can say they taste pretty good. During our egg session Pov hands me a lovely khmer scripted invitation to a party at her house in the Provinces in two weeks time. It is about 1 hour out of Phnom Penh and is, from what I can gather, a celebration of her mother’s life. It will involve a visit from a monk and some blessings and when I asked where we would sleep I was met with a quizzical look “but….we not sleep…..everyone dance dill dawn!!”. Man…I tell you….khmer people know how to party!

After eggs we go for chicken soup at another street side restaurant (a favorite of mine in a quite tree lined street where I am always greeted warmly by the owner). 3 huge bowls of soup and a plate of raw vegetables and iced tea all around costs just over $2(all prices in US remember). Leakhena and I retire early and after listening to some tunes and chatting for an hour about Hun Sen and how he is busy raping the country , sleep after this very full weekend comes swiftly.

So how was your weekend ?

A visit to the Pagoda

Today is Sunday and apart from just organizing my Cambodian Driver’s License ( Car and Motorbike $30 for a year ) which is great because it now means I am fully covered by my Australian insurance policy in the event of motorbike accident , I have just had a pretty special experience. I was asked by Leakhena if I would like to join her sisters and some other family in a trip to the Pagoda outside PP to pay respects and make offerings to Buddha which of course I accepted. So with 6 girls in the back and Tra (my Khmer brother-in-law) in the back, as well as two little dogs, we set off across the city in Tra’s Toyota. We soon arrive at this massive Wat that is like big compound and it has its own streets and many buildings etc and there are Khmer people everywhere. The best way to describe what went on next is to break it down into steps so here goes;

Step one; Change $5 into a bundle of 100R notes that leaves you packing a wad of cash like you are Kerry Packer at a casino. Remove your shoes and enter a hall full of Khmer. I am the only Barang and the stares I get are almost overwhelming me as everyone watched my every move. Of course I have been to Wats before but not like this.

Step Two;
Light some incense and say some prayers to Buddha and dispense of part of your wad of cash.

Step 3;
Join the seated throngs as they move in waves towards a monk who is blessing trays full of possessions. People are having their mobile phones, perfume, car keys, mascara, watches, sunglasses, bottled water, clothing, earrings EVERYTHING and ANYTHING blessed so I offer up my phone and my watch. We wait as it is blessed, collect all our belongings and then move on. Note ; During this step I had an interesting little observation. One of the girls with us is called Marie ( pronounced like Grandpa’s first wife ) and she is actually a khmer model and stunning – which is silly to say because they all are ! Anyways as our things are getting blessed she starts talking to the youngish ( and very good looking ) monk who is doing the blessing !! I could swear they were flirting ! Also - I noticed the monk had a mobile phone in a pouch tucked under his robes ?? What ever happened to NO EARTHLY POSSESIONS ?

Step 4 ;
Move into an outdoor “wet” area and stand in a big ring with about 60 other people as another monk moves around throwing water all over us, into our faces and everyone is having a grand time by this stage. I swear to god (Buddha!) as we enter there is an Asian version of Hard Day’s Night being sung by a guy with a voice like Roy Orbison. Surreal. Lost of smiles and giggles and it is all quite informal and fun and one poor little kid in front of me about 5 years old is getting a right dunking and loving it. We end up getting flogged in the head by the monk who is wielding a branch or some such and then leave saturated.This was my favoutire part because by now it is bloody hot and this is as good as a swim !

Step 5 ; Move on to another shrine in the compound and sit in front of a monk making some Sompahs ( palms pressed together in the praying gesture and raised to your forehead 3 times in front of the monk ) who sells us all a little Buddha at $2.50. I didn’t want to incur Buddha’s wrath by refusing so parted with more of my chunk of cash. No matter – I am still rolling in it.

Step 6; Get a bucket and move around a copse of trees and palms throwing water everywhere and then hurling the last bit if it into the air.All done. Officially blessed.

Then we stood around shooting the breeze with some aunts and various cousins whilst eating some mango and then it was goodbye and back to the city. Another one of those random, eye-opening experiences that is now my life ;-)

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Party time in the provinces

Having accepted a beautiful gold-leaf scribed invitation to a party by one of my Khmer friends, I found myself traveling in convoy out to Kampong Cham in Kandal Province for an event that sounded like it would be epic. I have my girlfriend on the back of my dirt bike, my little niece sitting in front of me wearing a massive set of wrap around sunglasses (she gets car sick, loves the bike and loves me so this shouldn’t have been a surprise!) and in the taxi behind are all manner of relatives and friends and a boot full of luggage . As Ministry of Sound belts out some heavy hitting Trance music through my MP3 player, I dodge all manner of weekend traffic and as usual, the trip induces white knuckles and high stress levels. As we near the venue, everyone’s knowledge of where we are actually going gets worse and worse and we take several wrong turns and ask several dozen people for directions. “Past the second white cow, beyond the hay stack and left at the cluster of palm trees “. Even though we have traveled only 70km out of Phnom Penh, we are now well and truly in the boondocks and I am being stared at by the provincial people like I just stepped out of my spaceship and have come to eat them all. I was told I might create a ruckus as a lot of the people in my friends village would not have seen a white man before but was unprepared for the reactions I would get!

Reveling in my new Mick Jaggeresque status, we finally arrive at the village site and by now I have an entourage of about 30 young groupies running along behind me smiling and waving. I walk into a 200 person party in full swing with 6 fairly young monks being showered with gifts and everyone is being blessed and my friend’s mother and aunts are all being saturated with water and the girls are all wearing beautiful brocaded silk tops and stunningly vibrant dresses. Everyone stares at me and I stare at everyone else but as usual in Cambodia, the stares all come with huge smiles and yet again I am welcomed with open arms. Cambodia is no place for a shy person and if you don’t like crowds or being singled out for special attention, you would struggle here! There is a massive tent compound set up with ornate painted wall panels and dozens of tables and chairs and after a couple of hours the formalities are over, the food comes out and our table becomes party central as we have procured several bottles of booze and a tub of cold beer for the event . We eat like kings and drink like trojans and as all manner of livestock shares the party with us, the village starts to heave.

Everything starts to become extremely random. A trip out to the back paddock for a quick pee turns into a game of hide and seek with some kids and on my way back to the party I get roped into a 30minute drinking session with some local guys who are into the rice wine. It is a bit like sake and is hot and served into glasses from a tin pot. I am trying to speak Khmer to them and they are all laughing at (or with?)me. I show them my LCD laser light torch and it is a very popular item indeed as with no electricity in the village, light is at a premium. When I eventually make it back to the party it is dark and I get a rude shock. One hour earlier, I left a tent full of people and a table covered in food and booze and all my friends were there laughing and having a great time. Upon my return, I find……..nothing! And I do mean NOTHING. Our table has gone, all the people have gone and the party looks like it is well and truly over. I have no idea where my motorbike is ( certainly not where I left it ! ), I have no idea where my belongings are and my friends have all deserted me ! I am in mild shock and this registers with a couple of old ladies who are doing some cleaning up. One comes over and laughs and waves me off into the darkness with a reassuring nod. I am aware of some music playing and I head into the night to see what I can find. As I walk under peoples houses and step over pigs and kick chickens in the dark and get barked at by dogs, I wonder where the hell I am going and what is waiting when I get there.

The music gets so loud that it is shaking coconuts from trees and I stumble into what could only be described as Cambodia’s equivalent of Wembley Stadium. A clearing at a little intersection of wooden houses has 400 men, woman and children all sitting and standing around as a wall of speakers the size of a building emits music at dangerously high levels. My friends are all there at a table, the beer is flowing and again, everyone looks at me like I am the main act. By now I am extremely relieved and after a quick cold beer, I decide it is time to get this party started right. I announce I am going for a dance and does anyone want to join me? Well….as it turns out the entire village wants to join me and as I strike out for the floor I am followed by a throng. Within minutes 50 of us are raving Cambodian style around a central street light. All the Khmer men are begging me to “Dance with me! Dance with me!” and I cannot keep my eyes off my girlfriend who has my heart exploding as I watch her gracefully circumnavigate the dance floor. She is all style, grace and beauty as she weaves her hands and sways to the rhythm and I am all shirtless, sweating beast as I massacre the Khmer dance. I then decide to play a game with all the fringe dwellers and I walk around randomly selecting village people to dance with me. Some run screaming in terror as I approach and others put their hands up to be chosen. Others just plain invite themselves!! I am unable to take any rest as I am in high demand and eventually I escape to the DJ truck to hang out with the chap who is selecting all the tunes. He allows me up into the VIP lounge (the flatbed on his truck) and we share a beer and relax whilst everyone else continues to go nuts. Soon enough it is time for bed and I am dragged off back to the house where I share a room with stacks of other people. I am offered the only bed in the house and I share it with my niece and a grand mother. Sleep comes swiftly and thankfully I do not have to get up in the middle of the night because outside it is blacker than black.

In the morning the party gets going again. The monks are back (where did they sleep?) and the tables are all set again and after some more blessings we get stuck into a big breakfast of rice and fish. By now I am an accepted part of proceedings and I have many new friends both young and old and a small core of kids who just will not leave me alone. Everywhere I go I am shadowed by half a dozen of the most gorgeous little children. They pinch the hair on my arms when I am not looking and fetch me water when I run dry. One young fella has a rather nasty abscess between his eyes so with his mother’s permission I take out my First Aid kit (I take it everywhere with me) and I wash, clean and bandage it as best I can. I am a bit worried about him and will check soon to see if he is healed because my feeling is he probably needs to see a doctor but his parents cannot afford it. After lunch, we are finally ready to return to the city and I am taken to where my bike has been safely stashed for the night by persons unknown. I am both relieved (I need a shower badly by this stage) and saddened as I have had such a great time with these people. Yet again I am humbled by Khmer hospitality and the file I have stored under ‘E’ (for experience!) has been considerably expanded by the last 24 hours.

All I can think about as I navigate the motorbike back to Phnom Penh is the air-conditioning and my bed and later as I wash away the grime under cool water I laugh to myself as tidbits of the nights events return. As I doze off my girlfriend calmly and quietly announces that tomorrow night there is another party on and rather than perishing the thought, I look forward to it like a kid on Christmas Eve. Another 200 people to meet, some more great food and surely my Khmer dancing can only improve with all this practice? . Let’s hope so!

Review;Ko Ko Ro Sushi

Last night I was completely famished and could not face another bowl of prahok, noodles or soup if my life depended upon it. A colleague in the office who shares a similar penchant for Japanese food had mentioned a great sushi restaurant where the Khmer chef has been trained by a Japanese master and apparently it was also reasonably priced. So with my girlfriend eager to join me, we headed for Ko Ko Ro at #18 Eo Sihanouk Boulevard (St 274). On arrival to this bright little hole in the wall, we are met by the owner, an excitable and altogether charming, if not slightly eccentric, Japanese man by the name of Toshi. “Just like Toshiba!” he informs me.

As we are ushered to our seats by Toshi (he decides where you sit), the first thing we are offered is a free beer and it is my favorite, Asahi, no less. As a result of that single action I am a convert to this place straight away. Anywhere that hits you up with free ale upon entry is AOK with me. We are also supplied with a chilled face flannel to wash our faces with. Bliss! Then an array of menus is presented -one for sushi, one for sashimi and one for booze. I could not see the point of the food menus as the walls are festooned with pictures of the available dishes and their prices. I am confused and do not know whether to look up at the wall or down at the menu or over at the intensely amusing and altogether entertaining Toshi who has me in hysterics with just about everything he says. As I order mixed platters of sushi and sashimi, he regales me with a story about how his wife had beaten him up the night before and insists I look at his face closely to assess the bruising. His lovely Khmer wife looks on and rolls her eyeballs with a smile whilst Toshi tells me that the punch she delivered was so lethal that he cannot remember his name and has been to the Japanese Embassy to try and find out who he is. At one point he even leaves the restaurant and with full pantomime, walks out into the middle of Sihanouk looking like a lost child. I am in absolute tears, a combination of his antics and the huge dollop of wasabi I accidentally dropped in my little soy dish.

The food is extremely good. Having come from Australia where Sushi is well and truly established as a mainstream dining option with top quality Japanese restaurants aplenty, I was impressed with the presentation and the quality of the fare in front of me. The salmon sashimi looked suspiciously like packet salmon but Toshi assured me he slices it off an actual fish that he gets from the market and I did not doubt him. The squid sashimi was excellent and the prawn tempura (ordered after spying it on the wall) was nothing short of delicious – the spicy fried heads were to die for. I am a huge miso soup fan and I dusted 3 bowls of Toshi’s broth but I had to draw the line at his offering of Japanese Vodka which is housed in huge ceramic urns and are numbered from 1 (for total destruction) through to 6 (for mildly stupefying). I was tempted to get a little crazy with him on some warm Sake as I think he would make a brilliant drinking partner but as I had to work the next day I decided wisely against it.

As we plough through the platters, Toshi brings photo albums of his world trip to the table and invites us to peruse them. He is keen to point out one specific shot – that of a rather phallic looking rock (rhymes with……) in Death Valley and he is proud as punch of this shot. In actual fact the photos really are great and as he was traveling the world in the 80s, they are worth a look for the hairstyles and fashions alone. There is a classic one of Toshi with a mohawk and his Japanese travel mate with an afro playing around in the Utah sand hills. Extremely cool! See Toshi in New Zealand! See Toshi in Australia! See Toshi in the Grand Canyon….hell….if you have the time….see him in all 30 countries he visited!

All in all it was a great night that came out of a random decision. Excellent Japanese food, great company and classic, side-splitting antics from an unexpected host. All up dinner and a couple of beers each came to $19. My girlfriend chatted to his wife whilst Toshi and I cemented our friendship and as he slipped a FREE BEER card into my hand (“not just for you – for all your friends! Please be my advertiser!! “) I promised to see him again soon. Maybe next time I will plan it for a Friday night and get stuck into the Sake with him for some real fun!

Pimping your pad in Phnom Penh


Perhaps one of the greatest challenges an expat will face on arriving in Phnom Penh is that of finding suitable long term accommodation. Creating your very own chill-out zone is all important in Phnom Penh because when the heat and general throng becomes too much, you need a safe haven where you can collect your thoughts, recharge your batteries and generally unwind. Not all of us arrive here on expat packages with the Landcruiser, gated compound and plethora of staff provided and the process of creating your own slice of sanity in Phnom Penh can be a very enjoyable experience if you go about it the right away. Here are a few tips from someone who has just gone through it on how to“Pimp your Pad” in Phnom Penh.

Just like anywhere else in the world, real estate in Phnom Penh is all about Location, Location, Location. There are good locations, bad locations, locations that look good but are actually very bad and locations that look like your worst nightmare that are actually very good. Confused yet? I don’t blame you! Isolating the area you want to live in is the first thing you should do because otherwise you will run from one side of town to the next like a chook without a head trying to find a half decent apartment. I had actually been to Phnom Penh a couple of times before moving here recently so I knew exactly where I wanted to live to within a few streets. I won’t go into a description here of Phnom Penh’s various postcodes because like I said, the discovery process is half the fun and it will also increase your orientation and knowledge of Phnom Penh tenfold.

Now…how to go about finding your Nirvana? Well-what’s your flavour? A bougainvillea lined street with a Pagoda at then end of it and saffron robed monks walking around (like mine) or a street lined with heaving, karaoke wailing bars and working girls? An NGO suburb where the walls are 15ft high and the only Khmer you will see are the guards at the gates or do you want to really experience Phnom Penh by going all Jack Kerouac and living next to a slum with wild dogs, wilder kids and a good chance you will get mugged daily ? The choice is wide open. A lot of people tell you to brief a motodop and then let them run around and find apartments for you to look at. They take a commission by way of a spotter’s fee but the problem with this modus operandi is how will a motodop know what you will and won’t live in? If you can ride a scooter or a motorbike I highly recommend hiring one for a few days and conducting your own search. You can ride around at leisure following your nose down leafy streets and exploring the myriad of suburbs and enclaves that Phnom Penh offers, sometimes diverting for a cool drink or ice cream when required ( Bong Karem !). Thanks to the French, the city is laid out perfectly in grids and it is very hard to get lost once you know the main boulevards and how they dissect the city.

When you finally locate your preferred area, look for the little signs hanging outside the buildings on the balconies with some Khmer script (FOR RENT!) and a phone number and now the fun really begins. Do you speak Khmer? Will they speak English? Do you rate yourself in the negotiating stakes or will you end up with your pants around your ankles ?Soon enough from out of nowhere your prospective new landlord/lady or a relative thereof will arrive all smiling and you will be shown through the apartment. As a basic guide you should look for the following; is there a secure, well lit entry point to your building? Is the entry covered from the rain? Is there any construction going on next door because they will start early (usually when you have the hangover from hell) and Sunday being a rest day means nothing here! Is there secure parking for your scooter? Who are your neighbors and how many dogs or feral children do they have? If, like me, you have an unsociable Dutchman downstairs who scowls for a living you might be inclined to look elsewhere. Inside the apartment, make sure there is one room with Aircon because the heat right now is brutal.Aircon will drive your utility bill sky high but better to have the option than not ! Are there fans in every room mounted to the walls? Is it furnished? Is cable TV installed? Is the kitchen big enough for your needs (most aren’t) and are they providing the LPG burner and LPG tank and ALL importantly- does it have a balcony or rooftop you can turn into Phnom Penh’s 5000th bar called, simply, MY BAR?! All these points give you bargaining power when it comes time to establishing the rent. You are of course expected to haggle and if you can commit to 6-12 months or pay them 6 months in advance then you are in the driver’s seat. GO HARD!

Congratulations, now you have your pad and you need to “Pimp it” right? Here are some more tips to create that truly lush lounge-like pad that will see you spend less time in someone else’s bar and more time at MY BAR surrounded by all your instant new friends. Firstly, you will probably need a fridge and a mid-sized one can be bought and delivered from many second hand shops around Central market for around $70 or check the usual websites for classifieds. Next, you will need a thumping sound system. If you have an MP3 player just do what I did and buy a SONY subwoofer and two tower speakers from the electrical shops near Central market for $60. Your neighbors will hate you but you won’t care because you won’t be able to hear their protestations and loud Khmer wedding music becomes a thing of the past as you turn your unit up to 11. Kitchen accoutrements must be procured, unless of course you are a restaurant-o-phile in which case all you need is a Phnom Penh Pocket Guide! Any of the market places sell kitchen stuff at a bargain rate although it varies in quality so shop carefully. I was going to go to Pencil for all my kitchen kit but then my girlfriend took me to Psar Kandal and I got everything I needed, including a clay pot bbq, for about $20! Bedding can be bought from Russian Market (100% cotton Queen Sheet sets for $12 and pillows for $2) or Psar O Russey as can mops and brooms etc.

Now, the fun really begins because you will need some wicked wicker for MY BAR and the cane furniture shops on the corner of Sothearos and Monivong are a great place to buy just about all you will need. Large Papasan chairs can be had for $20, doubles for $50 and you can even buy…yes……a cane bar. I did! You can also buy groovy silk lights for $10 and I can highly recommend buying some cane slatted mats ($3.50 each) to wire to your balcony railings. This will shield of your balcony from prying eyes and provide you with VIP type privacy- remember, MY BAR is members only! You will also need some verdant plants which can be bought just about everywhere .A few dollars will buy you a 6ft cane palm in a pot and a few of these create a serene and lush ambience. The further out of town you get the cheaper the plants get but then you have the hassle of getting them back to town so my advice is just go to Central market and shell out. While you are there get some candles and some incense and VOILA…you are done.

Now you have your very own Pimped Out Play Zone© in Phnom Penh. In the process you orientated yourself geographically, found the best deals on all things household, haggled with the best of them ( or are you still looking for your pants? ) and now it is just a matter of waiting until all your new friends start lobbing up to MY BAR for Friday night drinks. You will be the toast of the town as your soirees become legendary and the Bombay Sapphire Gin will flow like the Mekong River during the wet season.

By the way… what IS your address?

Addiction on the up in Cambodia



This is a cautionary tale for anyone wanting to come to Cambodia holiday and I hope the story you read makes you all think long and hard .Visiting Cambodia has had far reaching and potentially irreversible effects on my life. I could never have imagined the course of events that my first and subsequent trip would set in motion and now I am utterly ruined and in a place from which there may be no return.

My first trip was temples and beaches and Pagodas and rain and humidity and grit and eyes bulging out of my head at the myriad of visuals that Cambodia constantly throws at you. I marveled at families of five comfortably traveling on a single scooter, saffron robed monks with parasols strolling the streets and colonial French architecture aplenty. Poverty on a scale I had never witnessed before existed alongside completely unexpected and obscene wealth. Shiny new Cadillac Escalades and Hum Vees jostled with rickshaws and tuk tuks and traffic obeyed one simple rule – tonnage on the road has right of way at all times !. I was agog at the beauty of the women, aghast at some of the seedier “visitors” getting around and gob smacked by the vibe city put out.

Every day I spent in Cambodia that first trip brought something new and exciting and left me craving more and more like the worst of addicts. I was up early every day taking hundreds of photos and exchanging pleasantries with the locals both young and old. The smiles that emanated from the Khmer people’s faces only fuelled my growing addiction and I knew things were getting out of control but I felt powerless to stop it. My traveling partner, who happened to be my older sister, could see me spiraling out of control and knew she could only watch as her brother gave himself over to his new addiction like a kid who had discovered candy for the first time.

I returned home with my life in a one way spiral. I had to somehow hide my situation from my family so that they would not try and intervene or drag me off for counseling. I returned to my job with a solid company where I was middle management and earning a good wage and convinced everyone I was really glad to be back. They had no idea! As the weeks passed, my cravings got stronger and stronger and I soon found myself planning my next binge. Before I knew it the time was upon me again and I was soon leaving my family yet again for the place that could satisfy my itch and get my synapses firing again. Would it be the same the second time around or was it just experimentation fuelled by boredom the first time? Would I be utterly disappointed and return dismayed at my own stupidity for getting hooked in the first place? Would it completely ruin me forever?

Well…..yes, no, no, no and yes. My second trip confirmed that I was indeed a Cambodia addict. Certified hardcore. Craving. Raving and to be avoided at all costs. The immediate high I got from landing on the tarmac was well worth the 7 month low I endured whilst I was home and I wasted no time in getting out and about. I revisited people I had met the first time, Khmer and Barang alike, and traveled to Kratie and Mondulkiri for out of the way experiences. I got more adventurous with the local cuisine, screwed motodops to the last Riel and worked on my Khmer vocabulary. All the time becoming ever more realising that this was where I needed to be for the next while. With my mind set, I returned home, quit my job (“you are going where? “), rented out my house, packed my bags, said goodbye to my family (“you ARE coming back aren’t you? “) and got straight back on the plane with a one way ticket.

Cambodia got under my skin unlike any other country I have ever traveled in and now I live here, totally hooked and enjoying my drug of choice. I can’t say what the future holds but I can say that I am now experiencing something special and enriching and I would not have it any other way. My colleagues in the office are running a book on when I will get married (I think my girlfriend’s family are already planning it?), my Khmer teacher says I am doing a fine job of taking on the language and every day brings a new and interesting experience-whether it be dodging elephants on my motorbike or seeing shot up Landcruisers in the street.

So that’s my tale of woe. I hope it serves as a warning to any of you that are thinking about dabbling with this country of contradictions. Everything about it gets to you and gets to you quick and perhaps the best advice I have had comes from colleagues who tell me “Just give yourself over to it….don’t fight it…you won’t win!” or, as my wise father succinctly put it before I departed, “My lad….you aren’t the first man to be seduce by the east and you won’t be the last! “

Truer words were never spoken.