Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Welcome to the world Isabelle Brown

Chris and Isabelle

My mate Chris Brown and wife Ahya have just had their second child. A healthy 4.4kg girl ( that's 9.5 pounds folks !! ) with a crop of hair to rival Donald Trump and a ruddy complexion, she now completes the Brown's one boy ( Alex ) /one girl entourage. Chris is now looking for a clinic to have a vasectomy (as it is Chris this will be simple micro-surgery ) and I have told him I am happy to do it with my Leatherman multi-tool if needs be.

An exhausted Ahya in full Apres-birth Khmer attire.

Now its up to Gager and me to pop out another one each and then we will have a real little tribe happening.

Congratulations to Chris and Ahya on their new daughter and to Alex on his little sister.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Skate-O-Rama


On my travels on the weekend I drove past a non-descript shed and barely noticed in graffiti style spray paint the word SKATE on the front fence. I stopped to have a look and lo and behold there was a skating rink with polished terrazzo concrete floor, some whoop de doos and disco music blaring. A few khmer kids were strapping on in-line skates and I was wishing I had my longboard with me !

Veasna turns 17

MMMM "Perfume"....

My live-in brother-in-law Veasna turned 17 on Saturday so Leakhana and I decided to spoil him. He has been living with us a month now and ( or is it tow ? ) and he deserved a treat. The kids in my family ( hell..everyone for that matter ) have hardly ever celebrated their birthdays for two reasons - none of them seem 100% sure when their birth dates are and there has not been much money in the pot for cakes etc. I have been changing that over the last couple of years . I believe a birthday is important for these younger kids as it makes them feel special for a day AND it is a good opportunity for everyone to get together in a festival atmosphere.


The Compound makes for a perfect party venue with it's wide open courtyards and so it was that Veasna turned 17 . We gave him some beautiful photo boars for his room, his forst aftershave ( he doesn't shave and sees it more as "perfume" ) and also my special gift to him was a pair of garden secatuers for trimming all his trees and shrubs which he absolutely loved. Everyone had a fine time though I had to retire early due to having a splitting headache bought on by far too much running around in the dreadful heat.

Veasna pimping the 'Pound for his party

Srey Neung with her hands full.

Party Masks

Family shot

Self Portrait Super Pout

and finally Its amazing what a difference a few years makes.......................

Veasna at age 14 when I first met him !

Friday, March 27, 2009

Eden Poker 2


A few drinks at ABAC Sundowners and then on to Eden Bar for the Texas Hold Em tournament. Played for 5 hours and eventually dipped out. Total spend ; Buy-in - $10, Beers - $5.

What was more interesting is Eden's new sign. Take a GOOD look at it.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Morning has broken.

Here comes the sun.....

I have been going to work early this week and the sunrises have been phenomenal. That's one of the bonuses of living in SEA - sunrise and sunset are guaranteed to please. I love the early hours of the day here in Phnom Penh. The city is waking up, everyone ( except me ) is exercising, it is cool,food scents are starting to waft and it is just a great time to be alive !

The view as I drive ( blinded ) to work along Mao Tse Tung Boulevard.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Red Fox Poker


After a long hot day of chores around the house and having had a very quiet Friday night, I decided to go and sit in on the Red Fox poker game. The Red Fox seems to be poker central in Phnom Penh, with games going on most nights and many a time I have gone past the front of the bar and seen the guys playing and thought about joining them. Brett the owner had just put the finishing touches on a felt covered, oval shaped poker table and it was quite nice to sit at and the short haired Khmer spunk doing all the dealing was none to shabby either.

The tricky thing with the Red Fox game is that it is a Dealer's Choice game so I found myself all of a sudden playing variations of poker I had never played before - Omaha Hi-Lo, 7 Card Stud, Pot-Limit Texas, Flip etc etc. I knew this before I started and so I went into the game sensing I was going to lose money but decided to treat the losses as tuition fees and with no blinds and a simple 25c ante every hand, it was the cheapest way to learn possible. It is also a cash game ( not tournament where the winner takes all ) and this means that you can buy in and cash-out whenever you want which is great because I did not feel like playing cards for hours on end . I found myself amongst some very sharp players. UXO De-miners to the left, slum-lords to the right, shifty bar owners here and there and one poor hapless Australian tourist who thought it might be fun to sit down and play cards with some locals to see how it compared to his online experiences. Bad move. He soon left a bloodied and torn mess long thereafter.

Omaha as far as I can see removes a lot of the skill of reading players and the opportunity to bluff opponents and it really is a head twist as you try to figure each Omaha round out . There can be two hands ( a hi and a lo ) going on within the one game and and it all happens very quickly. Texas Hold 'Em is a slower, more protracted game with much larger pots. Interestingly, when the dealer button came around to me, I of course chose Texas Hold em and my success rate was very good.I took some very large pots but would then give it all back during the Omaha games. Very frustrating ! I hung in for a few hours ,watched my stack ebb and flow like king tides and after 3 buy-ins and a total loss of about $100, I decided it was time to call it a night. Luckily the wife turned up just as I was bowing out ( " what do you mean you lost ?? you never lose !" ) and we were soon off to Sharky Bar for a few pitchers of cold beer and some spicy noodles.
It was a costly but worth wile night and I can say at this early juncture I still prefer playing my Texas No-Limit to Omaha.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Eden Poker

Yesterday afternoon whilst consuming a cold Asahi, I got a hankering for a game of poker and a quick phone call confirmed that Eden Bar was holding a tourney from 8pm. At the allotted hour I turned up and about 10 of us headed upstairs to the intimate little private back room complete with AC, poker table and....best of all.....a young Khmer guy who did dealer duties all night and ran a tighter game than most croupiers in Monte Carlo. The group was made up of guys I had never met before and also a very sly looking Vietnamese lass. The game was No Limit Texas Hold Em with a $10 buy and re-buys allowed within the first hour. As it was tournament, there was a 1st,2nd and 3rd prize and during the night we were joined by another 6 or so players.

The total purse soon rocketed to around $300 and the quality of the game was excellent. Everyone knew what they were doing and there were some killer hands. I played fairly aggressively in the beginning and took some large pots and I then began mixing it up with some large bluffs which paid off handsomely as well. With extra players joining, the table was split into two and I soon found myself in another room without a dealer but with a drunken Khmer girl who had come straight from a wedding all dolled up and ready to play cards. She insisted on going all in on every hand with grandiose posturing but it was only a matter of time before we sent her packing.

Some 5 hours later I found myself back upstairs in the main room with just two other players. I had taken a place but with 1a.m looming and my energy and concentration slipping, I decided on a fairly brazen attempt at bluffing my way into the final two. Alas, it was not to be and I left the table with a respectable 3rd place and $60 having beaten about 12 other players. Less my $10 playing fee /$10 re-buy / $10 bar tab / $5 food tab = a total profit of $25. Very happy with my efforts , alot of fun and would definitely play this game again.

Maybe even next week !


--------------------------

Oh yeah...forgot to mention - whilst I waited in the bar for the game to start, I got chatting to a British press photographer. He showed me what was possibly the most amazing photo I have ever seen. He had been on Monivong Blvd the night before and had come across a shooting victim moments after the fatal shot was fired. This Khmer guy had been shot straight through his ear and the pool of congealing blood next to the body was just amazing, It looked like a huge pool of foot thick raspberry jelly and there was ALOT of it. Struth.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Phnom Pen on hired help.....


Up here in Cambodia there is an abundance of cheap labour. And I do mean CHEAP. Adam...you would love doing business here - your average construction worker earns $60 a month and that's 6 days / 10 + hours a day. Casual rates for unskilled workers run at $1 an hour. With the Global Economic Melt Down forcing Cambodia's garment sector into complete breakdown and mass sackings a daily event, there are now more Khmer women looking for work than ever and many of them will probably end up back in the provinces tending the fields or maybe with some luck they will get a domestic help job in a house with some pale skins.

And herein lies the topic of today's rant.

What I don't get here is the average expats desire to hire a fleet of help the moment they arrive. There seems to be this inherent "I have just moved to a third world country and I can now afford a bum wiper so I am not going to lift one of my fat greasy fingers to do a single thing that I would normally do back home" attitude. I don't buy into the " I am too busy" bullshit nor do I buy into the "I am supporting the local economy by hiring locals" crap or the "It's part of my package" dross. Face it ; you are being lazy you fat whale. And I am not saying this out of envy..I can afford to hire staff but I was well trained by my parents to do my own chores.

Here in order, is my list of hired help wanker bingo terms;

Driver ; " I will send my Driver around for you" . WANKER Rating 10 / 10. Only CEOs or billionaires have drivers. Having one here reeks of either being a wannabe or being too scared to tackle the Phnom Penh traffic yourself.

Cook; " I must get home...our cook is whipping up some fusion Khmer". WANKER Rating 10/10. Obviously you and your wife are shit house in the kitchen but why advertise it ? Do a course or practice in the kitchen together.Stay and have another beer you poof.

Guard; "I will have the guard open the gate for you and then wash your car if you like ?". WANKER rating 8/10. granted, some areas of Phnom Penh are dodgy but the "guards" here are 17 year old kids who are either asleep or doing their homework. If a gun toting home invader rocks up and wants in - you are fucked so save the money.

Gardener - "Our gardener is outside cleaning the pool". WANKER Rating 7/10.Ok...granted....I am jealous you have a pool but get out in the sunshine and scoop those leaves yourself you lazy bastard. Then go for a swim to cool down. I used to love doing the garden back home.

Nanny - "Our nanny(s) are taking the kids out to the Water Park this weekend". WANKER rating 10/10 ( for more than one nanny) 7/10 ( for singular nanny ).Yeah...great..way to delegate parenting of your own child. Nannies are OK if you have multitudes of kids to deal with but if you have one kid....WANKER !

Cleaner - " Our cleaner does all my skid marks" WANKER RATING ; neutral. For some, this staffing level is an absolute necessity and whilst we don't have a cleaner and do it all ourselves, I am OK with this. Let's face it...who wants to clean the bloody house - it is way too hot for that.

Laundry Maid - See above.

So there you have it. Contentious issue I bet but you know what I really hate ?

"I was showing the new Laundry Maid around the house yesterday and I caught my driver having it off with my gardener and I was horrified because I thought the Nanny and the Guard were the only staff ( apart from the cook and the cleaner ) who were getting up to no good.It is so hard to find good help..."

WANKER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---------------------------------------

Wanker Bingo is usually played in a boardroom during a presentation and the rules are just like regular bingo, but instead of crossing out numbers, you cross out those annoying buzzwords and phrases that people use to sound important.

“By keeping our fingers on the pulse we can begin to interface and streamline the viable option scenario before marrying the synergies without reinventing the wheel” BINGO !!

Puff Daddy

Lock and Load

My poker buddy and International Man of Mystery, "Afghan Dan" ( real name withheld ), arrived back from his "contract" in Kabul,Afghanistan, last week. Dan is a shady character who moves best at night and whilst the poker crew know what Afghan Dan does up there in that war torn region none of us choose to discuss it out of respect for his secre....er..privacy. Hell, all the poker players are involved in dubious activities of some sort- from flying the Royal family around ( Luke ), satellite mapping ( Paul ), controlling the nation's water supply ( Jeff ) and Championing bad haircuts ( Chris ).

At any rate, during a skype conversation the other month to see how Afghan Dan's guerill...er.."contract"....was going, I asked him if there was any chance he could bring back an AK47 for me. He didn't hold out much hope so I asked if instead he could bring back another W.O.M.D, a traditional sheesha pipe. You know....hubbly bubbly, hookah. To my surprise Afghan Dan said "no problems" and so last night I bowled over to his bunker and picked up my new toy, along with all tools required and two tubs of Dubai Tobacco's finest apple and mint puff. Dan even threw in a Kabul Golf Club hat and shirt - may Allah bless him.

The W.O.M.D is ready to launch.


Ammunition

After a dinner of roast duck and Chinese style pork, and with a bottle of Chilean red on the table, it was time to lock and load this puppy and Leakhana and Veasna watched in awe as I assembled the beautiful, camel adorned W.O.M.D with all the skill of a raghead moozie fundamentalist fatwah declaring terrorist insurgent putting together a car bomb. Although there were no instructions, I had a fair idea of what to do from years of training with smaller bong...er.....W.O.M.Ds so the coals were soon blazing and the sweet sweet aroma of apple sheesha filled the living room. Even the wife had a few long draws on the pipe which just made her plain silly.

Bombs away

The hilarious thing is Afghan Dan's container arrives soon with pipes for several other members of the poker crew so on the last Saturday of every month I envision sheesha's galore and with Teemu and his resin connection, things could get real messy !

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

GRACE; Swimming not drowning

This won't hurt a bit Grace.....you ready ?

As the temperatures soared on Saturday there was only one thing for it and that was to hit the pool at work for a swim. After googling extensively, I also felt I was suitably equipped with enough tips to get Grace underwater for the first time and the results were very positive. After a few minutes paying in the pool and getting her comfortable it was an easy " Ready Grace ?" ( READY being the primer word ) and then after gently blowing in her face to get her to shut her eyes and mouth,DOINK under she went ! She came up with a " what the hell dad ???" look but no tears at all. After a few more dunks, she was happy as larry.

Under she goes........

One very proud father....

And one very proud mother !

The Phnom Pen goes to Vietnam

Well…….kind of. Last weekend saw me out of energy, out of funds and having no interest in going out so I hit the extensive DVD library of compound mate Jeff. This is one seriously dizzying collection of DVDs and I decided to hone in on his Vietnamese collection for something a little different. Here is a review of the films;


Hearts of Darkness; The making of Apocalypse Now. This is a documentary of Francis Ford Coppola’s epic struggle to make what has become an iconic film. Shot in the Philippines over almost a year and costing $10m, it almost sent everyone involved stark raving mad. The film pitched this descent into madness as being a result of everybody really exploring their inner selves and getting into their parts however I rather feel it was too much heat, too much booze and too many drugs. Most of the actors were on something. Dennis Hopper was clearly out of his head on pot and god knows what else. Martin Sheen was drinking like a madman and one scene in the movie actually shows him absolutely shit faced and in a very strange mental state. He eventually had a heart attack. The documentary also features a 14 year old Laurence Fishbourne playing a groovy GI. All up, not a bad flick and quite interesting to see what went on behind the scenes.


The Deer Hunter; An absolute de Niro classic which I had actually seen a long time ago. Robert de Niro and Christopher Walken along with some unknowns play a group of friends who go to Vietnam. They get caught by the VC and, along with North Vietnamese prisoners, are forced to play Russian roulette in a bamboo hut perched on the edge of a river. This is a pretty wild old scene. A lot of guy's brains end up splattered across the shed. Robert de Niro and Walken’s characters are the last men standing and thanks to some quick thinking by de Niro, they end up overpowering their captors, blowing them all away and escaping into the river and to freedom. The experience leaves Walken a mental mess and he never leaves Vietnam, instead delving into the shadowy world of illegal Russian roulette games and heroin addiction. De Niro goes back to Vietnam to save him and they again find themselves facing off over a pistol with one bullet in it. The results? Explosive.


The Quiet American; A remake of the original film based on Graham Greene’s classic novel, this book is set in 1954 Vietnam and features Michael Caine and Brendan Fraser in the lead roles. The story ends up being a dual love triangle/political finger pointer of sorts that implies the US involvement in dirty deeds during the Indochina war. This is a great film and I can highly recommend it – especially if you love South East Asia. The settings are all fantastic and make the Vietnam of the 50s look like a great place to be. Beautiful French Colonial Mansions ,(Caine’s apartment is just awesome), well lit avenues, stylish nightclubs and bars, impeccably dressed citizens and a real joy de vivre…apart from the odd grenade going off in the streets of course. Fraser turns in a great performance as a mild mannered American who is actually a CIA operative. He gets his just desserts though and Caine gets his girl back. Great Stuff.


The Vertical Ray of the Sun. A Vietnamese film with English subtitles, this film is set in current day Vietnam and is simply about 3 sisters and their relationships with the men in their lives - the husbands, the lovers and their brother. I absolutely LOVED this film. The story and dialogue is very simple but what won me over with this film is the cinematography. Every single frame in this movie is just stunning. Whether it is a simple scene set in the kitchen of the family café or a panoramic shot of the jade colored waters and limestone spires in Hoi An Bay, the attention to detail and visual feasts that are provided are just beautiful. The family all live (as far as I could tell) in the same old French Colonial house and the rooms are all decorated simply and tastefully with French antiques and Asian artefacts. Throw in generous splashes of colorful fabrics, fresh flowers, food and herbs and this film was just a joy to watch.


The smell of green papaya; By the same director as Vertical Ray, this film has all the same amazing attributes and some of the same actors-including the Director's wife. The simple story of a servant girl in 1951 Hanoi who eventually grows up and falls in love with her master, the film is candy for the eyes. The two houses that the film is set in are just amazing and left me drooling. The first one is a timber house within a walled compound that has a glorious garden, an external kitchen and many open breeze ways and free-flowing areas. The second house, where the young girl becomes a women, is the house of an affluent Viet music composer. With it's ornate mosaic tile floors, antiques, flowing silks, gardens that came in and out of the house, an array of coloured walls and wooden screens and a great bathroom, it really was a beautiful house.


So without going to Vietnam I went to Vietnam and today all I can think about is a steaming bowl of Veit pho soup and a super strong iced coffee.

Monday, March 9, 2009

GRACE ; Bath time with the big boy

Hey - No photos when I am in my changing room !


Sing it ; "Another one bites the duck hey hey another one bites the duck....."

Gobsmacked ; Have you seen Vichea's chest ?

Vichea. The Johnny Weismuller of Cambodian infants.

And the Garden flourishes....

When we inherited Veasna recently, we were also given all of Phalla's much beloved plants and Veasna bought his much red frangipani ( khmer ; Champei or Funeral tree ) with him. Now all the palms have been relegated to the back courtyard to give us some privacy in at least one area of our house and the front has taken on a whole new look. Veasna is a very keen gardener and between the two of us, we have been putting in some effort. Special 7 colour fertiliser has been bought and on the weekend we hit the garden shop together for some more plants which is just dangerous becuase we both like the garden centre. We ended up buying a new species of bamboo, a new giant Strelitzier and the most expensive purchase, a Syzygium . I planted many of these around my house in Forster and whilst they take about 2 years to get going, when they do....stand back. The bougainvillea are now in full season and growing at a rapid rate of knots and the fence is slowly disappearing.

Red Champei

The new infinity edge pool

Go the bo'

Bougainvillea in training....

Not sure what these are but they are bloody nice....

I know it looks like a wall with some plants along it but
it's a bloody garden alright ?


Compound Gardening Staff

The Fiscalities of Cambodia

I am guessing a lot of my readers think Cambodia is this amazing country where everything costs $1 and it is impossible to spend your wages right? Well…yes and no. For the benefit of all you westerners living in some Expensive Land, I thought I would run you through some local economics and show you how Cambodia and Phnom Penh in particular can either be as expensive as Sydney and London or extraordinarily cheap depending on your habits and requirements.

Starting with the Expensive way first and then the cheaper option, all prices are in US$ and I will try and rank in order of importance to most people.


Beer; Most riverfront bars have a Happy (4) Hour(s) where you can buy a draft beer for $1. A can usually sells for $1.25 - $2.00 and imported beers like HEINEKEN cost around the $3 mark. OR You can buy a case of Anchor beer (24 cans) for $13 and guzzle them at home. That’s .54c a can. Alternatively, go to a Khmer beer garden and pay $3 for a jug. Now THAT is cheap. I also stumbled across Carlsberg in a mini-market the other day in an icy cold refrigerator. The 330ml bottles were .70c. I bought a 6 pack for just $4.20 – about what I would pay for one bottle in a grog shop back home in Australia.


Cigarettes; There is no real way to go expensive with lung busters here.I don’t smoke but a pack of Marlboro Lights will set you back $1.50. Smoke the local ARA Blues and you are paying .50c a pack. I use cartons of these cheap ciggies to “incent” my local rubbish collectors to do their job thoroughly. Having said I don’t smoke – I am looking forward to Afghan Dan bringing me my new Sheesha pipe and tobacco straight from Kabul. Tasty.


Spirits; Again, not really a spirit drinker but gin and tonic will cost you $3-$4 on the riverfront. Alternatively you can buy a 750ml bottle of Gilbeys Gin for $4.50 and some soda water cans at .50c a pop and drown your sorrows at home. I think for a total of $6.50 you could probably drink about 20 home made G and Ts!! (Jeff?). Ballantines Whisky 750ml; $16. Absolut Vodka 750ml; $9. All this sly grog comes out of Singapore with no tax paid. Of course you could always drink the local whiskey at $2 a bottle or the Muscle Wine but then you might go blind.


Khmer Style ; About $25 for 4 people.


OTT style ; about $250 for 4 people ( easy; just add a O)

Food; This weekend is a good example of the swings and roundabout of fiscal (and not so fiscal) food funding. On Saturday morning I had to go to work early to let some contractors in. My first thought was to go straight to Fresco for a $3.25 takeaway café latte but then hunger got the better of me and I decided to go to my favourite Vietnamese noodle shop, Pho Olympic. There, for $3, I had a huge bowl of steaming noodles with beef, a strong iced coffee, a freshly squeezed orange juice and a pot of delicious green tea. Struth.Proud of myself for being so financially responsible, I then went and spent $33 on Sunday lunch with Ang and Paul at a new Lebanese restaurant. This included an amazing mezza platter ($12), a couple of beers ($2.50 a pop) and a share in a bottle of Lebanese Rose wine ($27). Not so fiscal but bloody delicious and I was working Sunday as well, I figured I deserved it. Basically, you can spend a lot or a little on a meal here. Up to you.


Clothes; Again, pretty hard to spend up in Phnom Penh (as a guy) because there are no real (i.e; authentic) retail outlets here. I do all my shopping at the big markets. Diesel jeans; $15, Polo Shirts; $5, Huge Boss Boxer shorts; $2, cargo shorts;$5,flip flops;$2. I can have a fantastic French cuff cotton shirt tailored for $15 and a suit made for $190. Shoes custom made for $30. We can buy Grace GENUINE GAP baby clothes for $2 a piece (GAP is made in Cambodia and a lot of it “finds” its way to the markets). I would never pay for real GAP but hey…..at that price who is arguing?


Now here are the costs of some other essential and non-essential items just for your information;


Rent; A huge Villa with pool in best area can be had for $2-$5k per month. Or you can get a perfectly good apartment on a budget of $200 a month. We pay $400pcm and have a lovely place with garden and car park. Power runs to $70 pcm (that’s with AC every night). Water $4 and rubbish collection $1.


Beats catching a motodop !


Transport; You can get anywhere in Phnom Penh for $1-$2 on a motodop. Double for a tuk tuk. Our brand new 110cc Honda Airblade cost $1700 (would have cost triple that in Australia) and my 1994 Jeep Cherokee cost $4k. We have no public transport of any kind here. No buses, no rail, no ferries. A plane to Bangkok is $80 return and takes one hour. A Mekong boat for 30 people costs $10 an hour to hire. BYO food and grog.


Get poolside for about $400 a month.


Beauty; I can get a 2 hour aromatherapy massage for $24 and my haircut for $3.Add an extra $2 for an open blade shave. Leakhana goes to the market and has ALL her nails stripped and repainted for $5 and a hair wash and blow dry for the same. She can buy a face mask for home application for about $1.A decent Gymnasium ( with pool, sauna, spa etc ) by western standards cost about $400 a year to join or you can sweat it out in a Khmer gym for .50c a visit.


So there you have it. Phnom Penh can devour money on the food and beverage front but other than that, if you are careful, it is pretty cheap. Cost of living is certainly on the way up on the F and B front, but we are all hoping it decreases on the rental front. time will tell.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I'd love to have a beer with Duncan - but not in my dreams !

Duncan

Yesterday I blogged about bizarre dreams brought on by eating prawns and wild mushrooms. Well, last night after a visit to our local beer garden for BBQ beef and an 8p.m bed time, it happened again. Leakhana could not sleep and I awoke at 2a.m to find her listening to Duffy on the new iPod and when she went downstairs to watch TV with Grace, I slipped back into a deep sleep and the dream began.

So there I am at Morgan and Banks Recruitment in Grosvenor Tower in the Sydney CBD. The interesting thing about this is I actually used to work in Grosevenor Tower AND I actually once had a meeting with M & B but this was like.....20 years ago. However, in my dream, the offices and EVERYTHING were exactly as they were for real. Anyways, the consultant tells me he has some excellent jobs going in Asset Management and will set up some interviews. The first one is as a car salesman for Maserati. I tell him I love the cars but...er... no thanks. Then he organises a meeting with " a client" who is based in a huge penthouse and the next day I go along. Here the dream gets weird because my best buddy Duncan is with me again just as he was in the previous night's dream. Clearly Dunc's recent email has got him in my subconscious !

We ring the doorbell and who should answer the door in his pyjamas and looking very dishevelled but..wait....ALAN BLOODY BOND ! We are asked in and firstly shown around the penthouse which is very musty and has cobwebs and wild animals living in the ceiling . We are then shown into the lounge room and sat down and Mr Bond starts rambling on about his life and his companies and then he randomly excuse himself and walks off. At this stage Duncan looks at me with a " what the hell are we doing here ?? " look and walks off leaving me alone but mesmerised at how all this will turn out.
(Vaga)Bond(y)

Bond returns showered,fleshly shaven and in a new set of silk pyjamas with a smoking jacket and silk cravat. I guess he realised how terrible he looked and decided he should fix himself up a bit. With no further ado,he then offers me $12,000 a month, a Range Rover, a house and a yearly bonus to "manage his assets for him" which included his penthouse, a chocolate factory and a resort in Perth. As I pondered the viability of this job..........

I woke up.

Bugger.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Hypnotic

I bring you Phnom Penh's newest business ;


Now...If you know anything about Cambodian Quackery, you will understand how dodgy this idea is. Suburban Cambodian doctors recommend rubbing your stomach counter-clockwise for cancer so god only knows what might happen under hypnosis. They might even take all your confidence away !

Pass.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note 22/4/09 ; I received an email from a satisfied customer who read my blog ( as per the comment in the comment section below ) and I feel it only proper that I set the record straight. Clearly my post above was a piss-take as I mention CAMBODIAN QUACKERY but I would hate to damage anyone's attempt at establishing a helpful business. Here is the email I received ;



I was surprised by your picture and comment about Phnom Penh Hypnosis and would like to tell you that you are misinformed.

Lance Castille is a very reputable and experienced hypnotist who came to Cambodia to help locals with PTSD and expats with stress and other issues.

Here are some articles about him.

Article on Phnom Penh Hypnosis in today's Phnom Penh Post:
http://www.phnompenhpost.com/index.php/2009042125405/Life-Style/New-clinic-aims-to-harness-the-power-of-suggestion.html

Some of Lance's articles:
ttp://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lance_Castille

Comments on my and other's experience of his hypnosis stop smoking program:
http://www.expat-advisory.com/forums/topic8959.html

Lance's website
http://www.phnompenh-hypnosis.com

Regards

XXXXXXXXXXX

Last night I had the strangest dreams.....


Leakhana cooked some new prawn dish with some wild mushrooms and all I can say is last night I was TRIIIIIIIIPPIN' in my dreams.

I dreamt Leakhana and I AND Grace were swimming way out in the deep blue ocean somewhere and it was crystal clear. I was diving down quite deep and Leakhana let Grace go and Grace swam towards me IN UTERO style with little bubbles streaming out of her nose and a smile on her face.

Then I dreamt I was at the Australian Ambassador's residence here in Phnom Penh with my mate and fellow ABAC board member, Derek. We were sitting at the dining room table eating large plates of watermelon and Margaret was grilling us ( diplomatically of course ) about why ABAC membership numbers were not increasing. Derek then brazenly asked the Ambassador if she could procure him a dozen cases of Johnny Walker Black at "diplomatic" prices.

Derek and I were then storming through the Pitt St Mall ( Sydney ! ) on our way back to work and we walked past Wendy ( Derek's partner ) said "hi wen " and then Derek was walking so fast he lost me. I ended up running into Andrew Goldstein, and old school chum of mine !

The dream then moved on to the playgroup that I want Leakhana and Grace to go to. I have ( in real life ) already called the guy that runs i and he has given me the times. In my now rambling dream, we arrive at the allotted time and there are all these older kids sitting around. He looks at our 6 month old and says "you should have rung me - she is too young !"

And on we go. Next I am on holiday with the whole family and we trek up some long trail to a grassy knoll that has the most amazing 360 degree views of some ocean and lots of tourists taking a dip in a hot thermal pool.

And next I am living in a terrace with Duncan in Hipwood St North Sydney and next door is a Krispy Kreme Donut shop.


I gotta get some more of those mushrooms.................

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

GRACE ; Baby got chompers

Our little girl has two bottom teeth.

When Mum and Ros were here, they picked up on the teeth when they were still hiding in the gums. How ? Grace was playing with her ears ! True story ! Mum said " oh...she is playing with her ears alot...probably got teeth coming". Mum then stuck her fingers in Grace's mouth and said
" yep...I can feel them on the bottom jaw".

So now they are poking up and she looks pretty dang cute(r) all of a sudden.

photos to follow...........

Monday, March 2, 2009

Reindeer Poker




Saturday night brought around my monthly poker game. I am not sure why I haven't blogged about these games before as they are hilarious episodes that really deserve their own entry and there is always a litany of stories to come out of each night.The basic recipe is this ; Last Saturday of each month somewhere between 8 and 10 guys meet at a pre-arranged "site" - usually Paul's house . Regular players are;

Paul Gager ( Australian, works in IT )
Chris Brown ( English, works in IT )
Luke Bezett ( Kiwi, Pilot for the Royal Family)
Temu Jantunen (Finn, dirty deals done dirt cheap)
Jeffrey Himmel ( Canadian, works in IT )

and then we have a random floating pool of players including a mixture of Scots,more Finns,Poms and Kiwis depending on who is in town.Everyone brings their own beer ( or if you are a Finn- flavoured vodka ) and we play No-Limit Texas Hold Em. Two games with a $10 buy-in each time. Winner takes all so each game is worth about $80 or so for a win.

So Saturday night rolls around we immediately have a problem -As a result of last month's out of control drunken game ( which saw us swap venues half way) , we have somehow lost the entire poker set. No-one knows where it is or can remember who had it last so Paul rushes out and buys two decks of cards and packets and packets of coloured plastic tea spoons and tooth picks. Embarrassing and highly unprofessional but we can all live with it.Just.

A surprise is also in store for us all as Teemu has had some Reindeer flown in from Finland and has also bought his Finnish mate Markke with him and Markke happens to be a bloody good chef ! So whilst we imbibed and played a few rounds of warm up pontoon, Markke delivered firstly an entree of some kind of herring on crispy rye bread ( delicious ) and then a reindeer casserole which was absolutely amazing. If you have never had reindeer made by a Finn....well...you have missed out. The meat is quite gamey and not unlike liver in its texture but when done with red wine and slowly. MMMMMMM. Onwards to the kitchen Donner and Blitzen.

With the eating out of the way and the boys already half pissed by now ( it is 9pm ) we commence the card game. AC/DC is blaring, the jokes and banter is thick and the spoons look just plain silly. Now it should be noted that the statistics for winners ( in order of first game winner / second game winner ) for the last 5 months go like this ;

January ; Jeff/ Justin
December ;Luke / Justin
November ; Luke /Justin
October ; Luke / Justin
September ; Chris / Luke

So coming into my 6th game, Luke and I am now being eyed suspiciously by everyone. We are clearly the guys to beat and we revel in rubbing it in. I can happily report that for the month of February the stats read ; Justin/Luke.

As all the other lads headed out to the bars, I headed home with my winning safely in my pocket. I must be maturing.